I Commit to Earth Hour

One Year Lapsed

A year ago, I walked into Operations to start my job as Frank's Technical assistant.  I was eager, vibrant and as Ate Frae put it in her Facebook post, I was the Miss I Can Do It. And now a year has passed, I learned a few things or two about each departments, have known the ropes of my job and is as bored to hell because of the routines.  I could easily plot my stress levels on ordinary months where Frank has no speaking engagements.

Now I am at a crossroads as to where I should go and where I should be.  As more departments are opening its doors, I am at a dilemma as to where I could grow the most.

Where did that smile go?

Just last night, I decided to browse through my piles of photos in my PC.  I braved to see myself 2 -3 years ago and I saw that girl smiling back at every picture and her eyes smiling as well. I saw genuine happiness.

Comparing my pictures then with my pictures now, I am afraid to conclude that I am much happier before.  What has become of me in just 2 or 3 years? 

So I'm telling myself:
Laugh... laugh loud... laugh till you couldn't breath.
And surround yourself with friends who make you laugh.

Because there are a lot of reasons to be HAPPY.

Bitching

Once again, I am a bitch.

For the past month since I went back here in Manila, I am not totally myself.  There seems to be a cloud hovering.  I shut out people even my boss whom last year I could talk to about anything.  Now, seldom do I go to my boss to talk about anything and everything.  Even if he's just a few steps away, a day would pass by with just greetings in the morning and goodbyes in the afternoon.  I even say no to all the free treats that they are buying us.  I don't want to get spoiled.  I don't want to miss all the fun.  I know in one way or another, this will all end and I don't want to find myself looking for it.

Is this because of the secrets I am keeping to myself.  I have pending vacations that I have to miss work intentionally.  I am thinking of alibis to tell so that I could miss a day off work and that keeps me away.

Or is it because I am afraid of investing in relationships because I know one day, he will retire and go or I will leave the company when Masters is all done.  People are constantly moving in and out of the company and it is always too hard to say goodbye.

Or is it because I always find myself competing, like I am some kind of a jealous green-eyed monster.  As always, whenever I enter into a position, wether it be an organization, work, or school, I find myself competing with no one but the past performance of my predecessors.  And it will always be hard to compete with someone who is no longer in the game.  And again, I feel that.  I feel like I am always have to be on top of my game afraid that I have not attained the level of standard they have silently set on me..  Sad thing, I don't have numbers to prove how good I am.  In school, I am given grades.  My performance in previous work is dictated by numbers. But now, I don't even know how I fair. 

My "jealousy" is causing me paranoia and I have to teach myself to quit on it.

My Excuse

Everything has gone dry.  I have a lot of pending things to write about.. but all I do is just prolong, procastinate and wait for the inspiration that is never gonna come.  The urge for writing is no longer there.  I need a breather.  

Perks with Sugartown

I have lived in our Manila home for almost 4 years already.  During my last year in college, when all of my barkada at the dorm graduated, I decided to venture out on my own.  Ellainne and I started to live in the extension area of the house while the rest of it was being rented out.  Then Mel came to Manila for college.  Since the space we are occupying at the back is only good for 2 persons, I requested Ellainne to move out.

We grabbed the opportunity to transfer in the main house and occupy the whole of it when our tenant was ejected by my mother.  We are actually suffering with our expenses (which is divided between the two houses fairly but we are outnumbered in terms of heads and appliances).

After so many troubles, i began to realize how lucky we are at Sugartown.  During Typhoon Ondoy, we felt nothing except the loss of power and water.  No floods threatened our place.  And just today, while I was on my way home, while the rest of Batasan is suffering a black out, we at Sugartown have all our lights on...

So maybe, we are lucky to be here...it may be small, not extravagant, yet we are safe and the utilities are reliable... : )

Expenses Overload

I have tried to save and and limit my expenses.  With the upcoming trips, I have to.... but bills have come flowing endlessly.  I have also tried limiting my wants but I still end up craving.

There are a lot of plays coming up and I still want to enjoy them.  The problem is I don't have the means anymore...  Sacrifice... or not...

(Sighs)

Tomorrow I'm coming back to the life that I am trying to escape.  Tomorrow, I am back in crazy old Manila to and try to live.  I'm so tired or maybe, I'm so bored.  I want something new.  I want to find my niche.  Or I just want to come back home.  I just want to get out of my life...

So many plans, I just don't know how to do about it.  But I have to start somewhere.

Missing

I haven't gone to work still.  Intentionally, I have gone absent.  I'm still here at the province idling.  And I have not have a slightest urgency to go back.  Not that I don't have any responsibilities there or this is the effect of the holidays.  Or maybe I really don't want to go back.  If only work is available here, I want to stay here and be with my family...

Manila, as I always say, is a tiring mess.  And I want to escape from it.  But I don't have a destination yet.

2009, the Year of Opportunities

As a tradition, I am writing my last blog for the year.

2009 was good and had a lot of doors opened.

Career had a spin when I said goodbye to Taguig and got tranfered to the main office.  I had the opportunity to work with the top men and women of the company as I ventured as a Technical Assistant to the Operations Group Director.  My new bosses, Frank and Tom, were a crazy duo but I have learned and have grown a lot from them.  Along with that I am working with the rest of 300+ employees of Operations group.

The batch have remained strong and finished the bond.  The 29 of us has succeeded to finally cross the finish line of the 2-year bond.  Freedom finally came to us last December 11.  And I don't know who will be first out of the doors of Manila Water.  Time would only tell.  However, each of us had build our own lives in the company, busy lives that is that we could no longer have time to even meet up.  Had almost 3 get-togethers for the holidays but the batch never was complete.

2009 was a second chance for me as I succeeded to enter the Environmental Engineering Program of UP.  Finally, I am fulfilling my dreams to take up Masters and in the beloved Alma Mater.  What more can I say.  It was a tough first semester but got through it alive.

There are a lot of trials that has strengthen me.  With Mel getting sick last year, it was tremendously hard to juggle work, school and responsibilities.  But I learned that family will be there, always. And Pa left us last April. And that's it for now.

The house at QC was in renovation at the end of the year.  Aside from that, purchases have been a lot but mostly on air tickets going home and for next year's travels.  Also, I have acquired a Nikon D3000 which is until now has caused me banrkrupt.  But then, I love the camera.

I look forward to the Tiger.  Hope it would be a fierce 2010 for me and the family.  Thanks to all who made 2009 special. :)

Dorky Dress Up

So far, I got two hits in a row.  I didn't wear my uniform today and had worn my floral brown-orange blouse.  Before leaving the house, I have checked myself in the mirror and thought  that I look ok, more than ever I feel good about myself.…

When I came in today, a very good friend of mine, Jayce commeted on my blouses, calling it 70s because of the floral design.  I just smiled and though it was a compliment.  And just 5 minutes ago a good friend and a senior cadet, Ma'am Salve, asked me if I am a member of Opus Dei.  After I'm telling her that I'm not one of them, she told me, cautiously (asking me not to beangry or offended), that I have to do away from the flowers.  She told me that if I wouldn't want to end up an old maid, I should dress up sophisticatedly.

Ok, I guess I oftentimes dress up in dorky clothes.  But I am comfortable with them.  And I loved these clothes in one point of their useful life.  Or maybe it is how I carry my blouse today.  Maybe I am not as confident or just as carefree in it..But whatever reason I don't look good in them, I am not offended nor angry about the comments because hearing them will only bring out the best in me.

Hodgepodge on the Holidays

One by one, each responsibility is coming into an end.  As the day of coming home is nearing, I am as excited to see each of my tasks finish.  

Class for my Solid Waste Management class ended last night while my old nutty professor for my Engineering Science subject got lazy and declared the whole week without class thus moving everything off scheduled.

Yesterday I was up on my toes running and getting things done because everything was chaos.  With lot of deadlines for school and work, I told a friend that I could not feel Christmas because the load seems to be heavier than ever.

But just today, I am again as eager to go home for Christmas.  Two more pending work and I would be done.  

Today is the last Man Com Meeting for Operations.  A lot of goodbyes have been said to those leaving the company at the end of the year and hellos too as some people will go on board the mini-ship of Operations Group.  Frank as always was very perky and naughty, maybe because of the season or just the fact that he's going back to his family in United Kindgom.  

As for me, I will still be having reunions with friends and colleagues before going home.  And another batch of parties at home awaits me...Looking forward to a great Christmas this year. =)

Chaos turning into Harmony

For the past few days I have been ranting about death and life in its metaphoric meaning.  Not that I am being suicidal or gory, but my rants are just my daily accounts of my frustrations, angst, even joys for the whole week of which my life has been chaotic.  The demands of my two subjects week after week plus the responsibilities with work has been keeping me up and running for the whole entirety until maybe school ends or I quit work (which is not until I am of age 60 or 65).

Finally, exams are over and my hell week is coming to an end. 

Good thing about this is I'm looking forward to a vacation.  I'm going home for the holidays and will be extending about 4 days more since Frank is coming back late too.  I look forward to seeing my family and my friends.  I am excited about celebrating Christmas and New Year and of course a lot of birthdays: Mom's, my friends', and mine!  I long for the planned roadtrip to Antique and the photoshoot sessions with abyans and sisses. I look forward to reunions although I am planning to miss the family reunion and Silak-Silab's too (which is sadly is during my birthday).  And above all, I look forward to the rest just before I would battle it out again... And 1st day of battle is the day I get back to Manila as I have again exams for my advanced engineering math on the very same day.

I'm still taking it a day at a time but when it comes to holidays, vacations and celebrations, my excitement gets me planning. :)

Live Each Day One at a Time

For the whole week, I die and live one day at a time.  I come to work and go home like a walking zombie, my heart not feeling, my mind not thinking.  As trips to home and back are my only consolation for idleness. Each day has its equivalent deadline for a presentation, a report, a homework or an exam, I am required to go to hell while going about it and back again to live after it is done and is successful.  A so-so output is not an issue nor an option as work is only good or bad and school is only pass or fail.

Sleepless nights, unenjoyable get-togethers (I do not blame it on company, just blaming it on a lot of things in mind), overtime work unpaid, all adds up to the stress that is named work and school.

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm no longer worrying or getting overwhelmed with the load that I'm carrying.  The old me would be on top of my toes getting worried and overwhelmed with the tons then would kick butts even mine to get things done.  I even prepare for things way way ahead of time.  I'm not pushing myself now.  I just do what I got to do.  And I just make sure that I'm doing the best I can.

Tomorrow is the temporary culmination of the many trips to hell and back.  I look forward to the day that everything is back to normal.  But what is normal now?

Tonight, I went home excited knowing that I have an internet connection again.  For 2 weeks, I have been in a dilemma as to whether I would go back to wired connection and have a monthly bill of almost a thousand.  I was contemplating of getting a thumbstick internet but the rates for prepaid is more expensive knowing that I am a frequent internet visitor and I am sharing the same passion with my brother.  A postpaid for a mobile internet is out of the question too.

I live way up in the north.  And it is always a problem for coverage for companies like PLDT and or Bayantel.

I was then convinced to get an internet connection from colleagues at work, and have recommended Globe since   I was using my phone as modem for awhile.  Not that we are Ayala loyalists but then it would be a safer deal because I am sure of a good signal here at home.

So I had applied last Friday, got a call from an agent verifying details so they could forward my application to the service crew.  And early morning, I got a call from the service team inquiring if I am at my place so they could install my internet.  I am in a dilemma because I go to work 8-5pm and my brother has class the whole day as well.  Good thing my cousin is around so she accommodated the service team.

And now, as I write this, I am enjoying a very fast Globe internet connection.  Fast service, good customer service, and uber supreme internet speed.

Clutter Face

I came in late for work today. It is not major unusual because everyday I come to work late, about 5-20 minutes late. But what made me so disappointing today is that I have come in an hour more late than usual. And I missed the mass held at the Manila Water lobby because of my tardiness.

So to avoid being seen, I went around and at the back to get to our floor. But so much of the plan of not being seen, Frank and Tom were at Tom's cubicle which is just diagonally opposite mine. So the two guys saw me in at 9:something AM. And while moving my way towards my cubicle, I know to myself how harrassed looking I am. I could just imagine my hair uncombed and rowdy, my uniform needed a run by the iron, I'm in my house slippers, my shoulders are down and I have that guilty and worrying face. I just could imagine what my bosses are seeing, surely a total big mess.

Both of them came to my table and was worried as well, asking my what happened to me. I said I am ok. Because really, I am ok. I am just plain late. But they don't want to hear of me unless I would tell them somekind of a problem, reason for my cluttering self. But the truth is, I was just as late as can ever be so I kept it to myself than telling a 'lie.'

And even in the afternoon, Frank was pestering me asking me what really happened in the morning. How about a chismoso for a boss.  He calls it concerned though.

So tomorrow, I'll avoid the look or just be plain late.

Pasig River Cruise

Ever since I was assigned to the Taguig for work, I would often see the Pasig River as we go from Taguig to Makati.  On the way to work, I would often pass by the Guadalupe Station of the ferries that cruise along the Pasig River. The Paisg River has been the main thorough fare of Manila .  It is like the EDSA during the colonial era and has played a glorious role in history. But today Pasig River has become a catch basin for all the solid and water waste of the Metro.

To relive the golden days of the Pasig River, Icile and I took the ferry at the Guadalupe and shoot the afternoon away.  The fare is relatively cheap at 45Php for Guadalupe to Escolta Station.  And surprisingly, we didn't smell any stench as we ride along the Pasig River. Not only that you avoid the traffic but you got to see Manila at a different view.

Another boat passing through

Oil Depots along the River Pasig

The Post Office

(Jaime Cardinal) Sin Village

Our Stop: Escolta Station

It is a fantastic experience to see Manila in a new perspective.

Dead

Cause of Death:  Drowning

I am super dead.  I am overloaded with deadlines..  And I don't know how I would go about it.  I am so dead.

But why am i blogging?!?!?!  I have to get back to work.

Temporary Solution

Last night, I have the chance to feed my addiction. Got to borrow a Smart Bro thumbstick and was able to surf the night away.  It was not as comfortable as it is with the unlimited internet usage because I was always checking the time and convert my time usage into money -- my expense.  Although the lending officemate tells me it is ok to use up his credits, I still have some decency to limit my usage.  So today, while I am handing him the thumbstick, I hand him also my thank you money.

I have to have a connection.  And I will get a new connection... and pray that we will have it ASAP. Add to that, I will get my money's worth.

Clean but Addicted

My brother and I are having withdrawal syndrome. It is no ordinary addiction although like any other vice, it involves money. For days we are in distress, craving for it, wanting it badly. Yet we are clean and sober.

For 2 whole weeks, we are suffering from internet withdrawal syndrome. After our internet went zilch because of unknown reason, we became desperate walking loons. Been trying to contact all internet offering companies and looking for options that are available and cheap or just plain practical at that. And until now we are still in queue for a slot for a DSL connection. Although I have a connection at the office, it is very limited. The only sites available are work related sites. No facebook (and Farmville), no plurk, no blogs, no multiply, no friendster, no sites that I have been enjoying for years. And all the more that I am craving for it.

Tomorrow, I will shamelessly borrow from a colleague a Smart Thumbstick internet and test if it is working at our domain. With our area that is mountainous and high, I just hope we could get a good signal.

I have to put an end to my distress. Need to give in to my addictions.