Monday, July 11, 2011

No Title. Just Plain Musings (and Rants)

I have been complaining nonstop of how much I hate my work, of how much I wanted to quit, and of how desperate I am for another job. Secretly, I look forward to living the bum life, spend all my savings on non essentials, and live a rebelious life just to say that I am actually living.  Although stopping is a lucrative plan but it ain't option.

I'm 27.  I have the most vague plan let alone having a plan. And I keep on blaming the absense of direction to quarter life crisis because I have no one to tag it to.  At this late adulthood, I am full of angst, anger and pride, feelings mostly associated to puberty.  I feel like I am threading on quakesand without a buoy to get me out of it.  I have gone stagnant.  Comparing with my peers, who probably earns twice or thrice my salary or driving their own car or perhaps, being the bosses of their own business, I am far way behind.  So maybe I'm a late bloomer.  But I could in no way reason that out.   I am tired of the demands of my age but amidst what I feel, I need to work, take responsibilities, and be at par to the invisible standards set before me.

So maybe I haven't gone the way I planned it. I am not the doctor I thought or planned to be when I answered the question "What would I be when I grow up?". Maybe, I didn't meet expectations. But my life has to move on. I have limits and I am accepting it for me to be stronger and more complete. It is never too late to actually acknowledge the life I am living and embrace the changes and decisions I have made.

So here it is, while I do not have a concrete plan yet, I have to live out my life.  I have to make little steps to strategize a plan.  I could not just wait for the plan to just pop in my head worthy of a squeeking "eureka", I have to actually make it.   I don't dream for the day when I have to say, what if.  I have to try anything and everything and hopefully, I would struck on gold.

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