TCC woes

How will you answer the question, "When are you having a baby?" or the worse and boggling question "Why we are still not having a baby?"

If only you would know when you will have one or why you don't have one, but those questions rests to the Creator and the future to be answered.

All we could do is wait, do all we can and all that we know of to get pregnant.

For a year now, Ron and I have been trying to conceive. There were months when I get delayed and we get excited, getting our hopes up only to be crushed again and again. There are times that my disapointment is too much, I get depressed the day I get my late period. And more depression comes from the envy boiling inside knowing that your contemporaries became pregnant, or those who just got married are now counting weeks at their pregnancy.

Sometimes I wonder if I do not want it as badly, as the Lord sees that this is not my heart's desire. That maybe I wanted it only because I get so many pressures from family, friends and colleagues. Maybe because I am afraid of the words "abnormal or with defect" associated with not able to conceive, that I wanted a baby to prove them all wrong. Because maybe, just maybe, I want to conform of the norm: get married and HAVE kids.

So the next time, please ask no longer of the many reasons why we are still without a child. I still don't know why and I could not answer the when too. Only God knows.